Widdershins start my hair, your Spooktober decorations are so spooky!!!

Debuckle is what my dad did before I got the belt

Whoever says parents aren’t hitting their kids enough either weren’t abused much as a child or were abused far too much. I was abused just enough to avoid ever having kids.

Games aren’t about fun! I don’t appreciate your whimsical attitude, it scares the serious adult in me!

Not Excel, but one of the most hilarious uses of Google Sheets I’ve ever seen

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And then burn down your attorney’s office. Fuck it, just become an arsonist

Burn the place down

How do you do, fellow geriatrics?

Looks up

Everything!

Puts on foil hat

Oh yeah! I should do more drugs…

Should’ve invested in some teeth…

The ye el las thems

The way that people use and trust these chat bots reminds me of stories about executives in the '80s climbing the corporate ladder using a Magic 8 Ball

That we don’t have sympathy or empathy for religious people.

Good job getting an appointment with Mayo Clinic! I know this has been really tough for you and I hope you get some good answers. I also look forward to hearing about your progress.

I’d also like to take a moment to appreciate the fact that you’re going to the Mayo Clinic for your issues with food. If the universe is paying attention, you’ll hopefully somehow cross paths with Dr. Burger or Dr. Ham.

It’s like they can’t get laid off… But I bet they can get laid out! #clotheslineaceo

I live in south Texas and there are people with identical issues to yours on the outskirts of my city. I think you should cordially raise a stink about this predatory practice.

Check with your neighbors. If this is happening to them, too, your electric company is using y’all to earn pennies of interest for free. Call your local news agencies and tell them your electric company keeps consistently overcharging you and give them that “not a loan company” line. Local reporters are incredible at investigating this kind of shit and other people seeing it on tv will encourage them to speak up as well.

Respect the brow

I’d eat 3 & 4 to poop out something like a mix of 1 & 2