This is satire right? Right?

Yes you should be worried. Dont expose services you’re not able to keep up to date and know how to manage and secure. Using tailscale is a great alternative as it allows you to have access without exposing anything to the internet, I’d prefer that. For everything else, subscribe to a CVE service for those (I use nextcloud and matrix and follow all security findings) and be ready to take them offline as soon as a critical exploit appears. Dont expose your passwords directly to the internet - ever; no matter if anyone else tells you its OK.