My neighbour has a cat called Stevie. Stevie hangs out with us a lot and we look after him when my neighbour is away.
Yesterday we found Stevie very unwell in our garden. We took him to the neighbour and she immediately rushed him to the vet.
She mentioned the vet was 200 dollars which was a big unexpected expense for her. Her son’s birthday is on Monday and she won’t be able to do anything for his birthday now.
My wife and I are fortunate enough for 200 dollars to not be a lot of money for us and we want to help, but I’m unsure how.
One option would be that we leave her a little card with 100 dollars and write that we wanted to help because we care about Stevie too.
Another idea is we ask her to do some gardening for us (that’s her job, and we’re too busy to do it ourselves right now).
I don’t want her to feel patronised or awkward about any of this… Happy to take insights.
My two cents: bottom line she needs the cash, and fast. Don’t worry about pride. Don’t have her do your garden work if you’re not hiring her because of her skills.
You can ask if there is anything you can do to help and don’t be vague about wanting to give financial support. If she says she won’t take your money, call it a loan. Make it very clear the the first priority is that this cat is healthy and the kid has a nice birthday. Money, pride, all that stuff comes not even second. Not even third.
People’s emotional well-being is arguably more important than their financial well-being. The latter’s value is in supporting the former (along with basic physical needs, which in this case seem to be taken care of). So yeah, taking some time to consider how a financial donation might impact someone’s feelings is worth it.
Just be up front. Tell her how much you appreciate both her, and Stevie. Tell her since it’s still so close to the holiday season, you hope she’ll accept a holiday gift, on Stevie’s behalf. Hand her the envelope, with the card and money. Let her do the typical “are you sure? you shouldn’t…” and just insist, that you want her to have it. It’s highly unlikely to go the wrong way.
EDIT: I personally wouldn’t be the one to suggest a work trade, up front. That takes a “thoughtful gift” into the “charity” zone. If she offers however, then you can graciously accept.
Yeah I don’t want to make our relationship murky by expecting her to work for me and get paid for it. Especially because we already help each other out with minor things anyway
“$200 is easy for me and hard for you right now. It sure would make my day if you’d let me give you $200”
“I don’t know if I can pay you back”
“How about next time you’re up and I’m down, you can help me out. I know you would anyway”
The fact that she happened to mention the cost of the vet and that she won’t be able to do anything for her sons birthday now is telling. No one with too much pride to accept money would divulge that.
Ahh I do know her a little bit and know she’s been struggling a bit to find work. But you’re right. I’ll help Stevie out and will try not to overthink.
Great suggestions already offered, so I just want to thank you for such caring about Stevie and his owner.
Stevie is the perfect way to deflect but still be direct. “We love Stevie and would like to contribute to his recovery.”
Wish we all had neighbors like you.
Thanks. I think I’m overthinking this. I’ve never been in a place in life where I would be able to help people like this but I’ve caught a few lucky breaks career wise where I get to so a job I love that also happens to pay very well… So this is new territory for me.
The way to help a person without being condescending is to add ZERO padding to your offer. Make it as direct as possible.
“Hey it makes us feel bad that you can’t afford your son’s birthday party now. Would it be okay with you if we provided the $200? It would really make us feel better”
No padding, no qualification, nothing. And frame it as what it is: a request for her to help you feel gratified by helping.
“Will you please let us pay? It would mean a lot to us” is how you need to present it to not be condescending.
I think the idea of sending them a “get well soon” card for Stevie with some cash tucked in is a perfectly reasonable and subtle enough idea. Asking somebody to work for you to earn cash for their kids birthday because of unexpected expenses seems a bit on the nose to me but I’m not really familiar with the relationship I suppose.
Off to get one now 😄
Just be aware money attached to a written note about Stevie’s illness could be seen, in the unlikely event there’s court between you two, as an admission of liability for Stevie.
Lol I’m not in a country that operates like that.
Removed by mod
If this is real, you seem like a good person and I’m going to keep your example in mind.
I’m in a place where $200 isn’t much, but if someone helped me help my kid that’d be priceless.
