I’m an introvert and I like going to work to do my job and go home. I don’t understand people who use a job as a substitute for friendship or marriage. It’s a means to an end.
The sooner I do my duties, the longer my downtime is going to be, and I love having my downtime.
Many of my colleagues see me and immediately start asking questions I don’t want to answer, but neither do I want to hurt their feelings, I mostly want to be left alone. In the past this has been deconstructed as arrogance and people with fragile egos feel insulted by my indifference to them and that I prefer to work than to talk to them.
The world is made by extroverts. I have observed that people are eager to help you if you give them attention. I don’t get it, but neither I’m not going to change how extroverts think or feel.
If I give them the attention they need for as long as they need it I’m going to end up with daily headaches and neither my job nor theirs is going to be done.
I want to appear approachable, but keeping the info I feed them to a minimum. How do I do that?
What do you talk about to your coworkers?
What do you say to stop conversation organically? (meaning they don’t get offended).
you are right. I don’t want to be approachable, I want to avoid creating enemies, work and go home.
I think you should therefore respond to their convesational openings like this:
10% of the time: actual conversation lasting at least 1 minute 80% of the time: pseudo conversation lasting 2-3 lines to symbolize your willingness to respond, while signaling your business and desire to get back to it 10% of the time: explicit denial: “Sorry I gotta get this done. Let’s catch up later”
The purpose of the real conversation is twofold. (1) is to avoid people thinking you dislike them, and (2) is to remind yourself that you actually can spare 5-10 minutes a day for personal conversation without sacrificing work quality.
The purpose of the pseudo-conversation is to get yourself back on task. Also, people are smart. They can recognize the fact that it’s pseudo conversation and that you need to get back to work. It doesn’t fool anyone; but they understand because your need to work is legitimate and work culture recognizes that.
The purpose of the explicit denial is to maintain the option for yourself of making explicit arguments based on time. It’s sort of like legal precedent. You continually enter it into the record that you are allowed to prioritize work over socializing. You don’t do it the majority of the time, but you reserve the right. You reserve the right by exercising the right.
It also gives them the opportunity to consciously respond graciously to your request. That conscious response makes it easier for people to modulate themselves.